sushi! sushi! sushi!

i love sushi!
went to kobe japanese steakhouse & sushi restaurant last night w/ the watt family. sure was a blast! i tried (and loved) sushi-- w/ the ginger and even the wasabi (!), and ended up catching all three flying shrimp in my mouth. was a blast!

went to an incredible service at their church afterward, sort of a year-end special service. i felt soooo comfortable and welcomed... and right.

watched havana nights and ate cookies n cream ice cream afterward. got slobbered and walked all over by hershey, the hyper maniac dog. too bad he's so darn cute, and just a puppy. otherwise... grr.

gotta head to work soon and hope that today (in general) i don't feel as crappy as i have been lately (w/ the exception of when i'm kept really busy having fun w/ the watt fam). here's to the day.

my addiction

i am horribly addicted to shopping. i don't think it'll ever get so bad that it'll take over my life, but whew... let me tell you. clothing stores. crafty stores. target-type places. and did i mention clothing stores? yeah... clothing stores (namely, mary margaret's consignment shop, and the nice places at indep center that happen to have really great sales on certain clothes-- and w/ my bargain-hunting expertise i just happen to hit the stores at the same time as these sales-- i don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but i do know that it's bad on behalf of my billfold). eeks.

took grandma to her eye appt, and was surprised that aunt kay had already shown up (from illinois). yay-- a woman who likes to shop like i do! lol. enjoyed eating at subway (i'm thankful to work at a place that i'll never get tired of!). had some fun 'til about 2ish. now i'm home. gonna spend the night at amanda's tonight. go running. eat din din. go to church. hit up the hot tub. watch a chick flick. blast some music. play w/ hershey (super-adorable and ultra-hyper puppy). talk about nicaragua and life and school and God and good stuff of the sort. yep.

life is blah besides all this stuff that semi-keeps me busy. mom and dad are in vegas having fun so this'd be an enjoyable time for me if i didnt have to spend half my time worrying about wes and/or telling him to turn the tv/music/movie etc down... and cleaning up after him... turning off every light, fan, etc he's left on... grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. ok. no more frustration.

that's all for now.
happy (rest of the) day.

days

yesterday:
slept for about a million hours (or what seemed like it)
felt sorta crappy
...but then went out w/ amanda and had a great time. el maguey's-- even treated ourselves to some fried ice cream-- listened to spanish music-- went to indep center, found a few bargains (yay for red ny&co pants!), then sat forever at starbuck's, talking, until they closed. then headed home, and talked forever more. boy was it nice to have some gal time w/ her!-- actually, to have some time w/ anyone. yay for fun times........

today:
was annoyed many times by the pseudo-younger bro (turn the lights out, put those dishes in the dishwasher, turn that music down, stop being so darn annoying... sure hope i wasn't ever like this as a younger sib.....)
watched julia stiles' "the prince and me." absolutely adorable movie. maybe someday i'll be treated like the queen that julia stiles was...
still in my pajamas, and it's the afternoon. wheeeee.

later today:
take a shower
go to work
go to amanda's house-sitting house and relax in the hot tub.
doesn't sound too shabby.
try not to be so annoyed by wes...

the day after

christmas.

what i got:
money from grandma
a ton of spanish books (yahooo!)
a neat "book of wisdom"
candy cane earrings (so i can start a holiday earring collection like mom's)
digital camera
book on spain and a travel notebook
exercise ball

what i wanted:
to just be happy (and for others to be happy, too)
not that receiving this stuff was bad, but... i honestly didnt care to open any presents. just wanted what "really matters." *sigh*

a merry christmas?

1:15am, christmas morning. got home from the chapel hill service after driving in a complete daze, about 60mph, if that. arrrrgh... so many thoughts on my mind. not sure if i'll be able to sleep but that's how it goes sometimes.

a few "major" thoughts:
1. had an incredible time on wednesday night-- met jason at the plaza and enjoyed our time there. saw "meet the fockers"-- great movie-- lots of laughs. not sure really how to express how i felt about the time w/ him. let's just say that i wouldn't have minded walking around for a few more hours, talking w/ him-- even though it was just about freezing outside (i really didn't care-- just too bad that he's used to the warm weather in the south... lol!). i can't say that the thought of seeing him again hasnt crossed my mind-- which is weird enough in itself considering all that's gone on this semester (life sure is funny, huh). and some other factors. anywho.
2. it's christmas. and i sort of wish it wasn't. i'm not looking forward to having tons of family here. i don't want people to ask how i'm doing and how my semester was and how my boyfriend is (he broke up w/ me, thanks-- no, there wasn't a fight-- why, then?-- hell, why don't you ask HIM?).
3. "the gals" at chapel hill bombarded me after the service, "informing me" that they'd talked to ethan a couple of weeks back, at church. naturally they'd "found out" about he and i and naturally they bombarded me with questions. arrrrgh. if only i had ANY answers to their questions...
4. dropped the christmas basket by the valet house right after that, and might i say that it was the oddest feeling, ever, as i handed it to seth and as jared stood there watching... and e's car was in the driveway...
5. i'm tired. mentally, physically, emotionally..........

natalie powell...

...is in iraq (w/ the army) for two years. she left in october, and i didn't find out until today. never imagined being personally affected by any of this war stuff... but natalie was one of my best friends throughout high school. please keep her in your prayers...

the skip-bo queen forfeits her crown

work today went well. i really enjoy the people i work w/...... and amanda, kristin, and james stopped by to see me! what a surprise!

had a fun night w/ family-- will, wayne, and jen (wayne's gal) were all here for dinner (sarah and grandma, also, and andy, ronnell, scott, tracy, and snickers of course)- naturally there was lots of food and the table set out w/ candles and everything (could we expect any less from mom!?). was nice to spend time together... especially since it's not very often when we all are together. was lots of fun sassing will around-- we just have a fun time together. jen seemed like a sweet gal. had lots of fun playing cards as well........ i was on a winning streak w/ grandma in skip-bo until i started bragging about it-- then what would you know, grandma started kicking my bum! sure taught me a lesson. :)

i got my christmas present early!; a digital camera. woohoo, now i can join the rest of the digital world!!!... if i can ever figure out everything on the darn camera (too many options; too many buttons!!!). :-S unfortunately i'm afraid i inherited a little bit of mom's inability to quickly figure out things like that.

am very tired. have been frustrated during a lot of the day (though i know it doesn't sound like it). have been blasting mercy me's new cd in my car-- w/ the treble up on a particular song (track 13), w/ it being a sort of small car, the sound is just incredible-- and the song moves me so much anyway. thank God for music. i guess my feelings go up and down depending on the--well, minute. it's gotten a lot better though. but still... sometimes i do wake up thinking "uggghh, another day." wondering why in the world i should even get out of bed. not too much to look forward to. sure, there's all the traveling i'll be doing, but that's not for another 6 months. what's before then? God really has a way of taking control-- i suppose-- b/c right now i truly just have no idea. no idea! somehow i survive, day after day...

*sigh* i cleaned my car this evening. gave it a good washing in town (ugh-- the bugs and birds totally adorned my car; it was awful!) and a vacuuming (it sure needed it). it was 30 degrees outside and there i was, taking my thing of bug/tar remover spray and spraying it onto the car and wiping it w/ a cloth... my hands were freezing by the time i finished vacuuming. even w/ gloves on (my hands are weird that way). but it felt good to clean up. something about a clean car brings me a little bit of *peace.* i dont really know how to describe it, but... it's nice. i definitely can't stand the cars in my family that are dirty as heck and how our house tends to be... have to have order! have to have cleanliness! *sigh* was fun cleaning though.......

had breakfast w/ lauren this morning, then got to see a million pictures of the grand canyon, vegas, and arizona... sure made me homesick for arizona again... how i just want to go down there. or anywhere in the southwest. and just really live... but anyway. got to pounce on kiel (he was still asleep) and, like an annoying little sister, tell him to WAKE UPPPPPPP! mannnn it was good to see him (although he was half dead it seemed like). he's changed a lot and he has his g/f and work and such but i really hope our friendship is still there like before... i don't think there's anything that could keep me from loving that kid. (kid? although he's about 25 days older than me. oh well.) :) so anywhoooo...

onward to bed i go. peace, friends... peace to everyone.

changes

...are inevitable. nicole and i were talking about this at subway tonight; sometimes changes are really difficult to deal w/, but to think about the changes we are going through now-- they are allowing us to grow up, grow stronger... adapting to change can be difficult. but if we don't adapt to change, how could we ever survive?; it's a part of life. i am learning this more and more every day, and it's not easy, but again... it's a part of life.

i was dreading spending 8 hours in subway tonight, but they went well and fairly smoothly. was wonderful to work w/ nicole-- was like "old times!" and might i add that i love the new toaster... makes sandwiches taste sooooo good! and tonight i even allowed myself to be a regular human being! (meaning, to step away from salads and healthy wraps and have something w/ substance on it!) i had a turkey, ham, and bacon melt w/ mayo-- yes, mayo! (told you i was branching out!)-- and the full amount of cheese- and of course my veggies. mmm mmmm, it was sure good!... :) yay for subway and the free meals i get when i'm there!!!

after church this morning i got to take lauren home and spend some time at the hallerud's house. i can't really express how i felt when i was there. it was this wonderful, wonderful feeling though... i didnt get to see kiel (i left him a note, *smiles*), but to spend time w/ lauren (i caaaan't believe how she's grown up), see her band show, talk w/ her (but not near enough)... and her dad (i looooove eric!, and diana, too!!!!!). it was just a "right" feeling. very comforting. ahhh, i'm soooo thankful for things that HAVEN'T changed. and moving backwards still (since this whole blog is in reverse order of my day), church was equally as great. i thought joe's sermon was great. he challenges me in a really different way-- can't really put words to it-- but i love it. sure, i wished i could have been singing some more contemp. praise songs instead of the couple of hymns, but i couldn't complain. i was in a very comfortable, loving place. thank you, God, for chapel hill!!!... but... i miss having paula there. sooooooo much. but-- there are many other people there with whom i can share hugs and smiles and handshakes and conversations. of all ages. for this i am thankful, as well. i've never had any doubts about my transfer to chapel hill. God has a way of working........... and i look forward to the christmas eve service.

should probably head to bed soon. there's much more to say but i know i have to stop somewhere. have a good night, friends...................... and be sure to give thanks for changes, even when they're unpredictable, surprising, sucky ones....................... they make us who we are in the long run!!! and i've only begun to learn this. life... it's all about the journey!!!!!!!

i am proud

of my brother andy!

today was his college graduation-- well, he still has a few more hours to go to officially be a graduate, but we celebrated it today after he walked at the ceremony. i hated sitting up there, looking down at him, thinking how horrible he probably felt. graduation should be a happy time. but he didnt want to be there. he was probably thinking about how sucky everything is, and how he's dreading the next few hours and money stuff and just all of it... he and i aren't extremely close, but i love him to death, so to sort of feel his pain for a few moments (ok, the whole day) made me very sad. i wish i could have taken it from him for the day and given him the chance to be happy and himself again. andy, if you read this, know that i love you and i'm proud of you (though i've already said it a million times-- b/c it's true). the sadness sucks, but you (we) will make it through. you're always in my thoughts and prayers.

had some good food as was expected. :) enjoyed staying at andy's apartment (apartments are fun places!). got tears when i had to say bye to em. (em, if you read this, i love you too!!!; thank you for being you!!!, and i hope and pray i get to see you again soon!!!) got a nice nap on the way home from columbia. it's 9:15pm and it feels like it's midnight (it has for hours now) and i'm drained. have been sort of antsy tonight. wanting to go somewhere or do something (and normally i'm pretty content to sit and read or write or clean or whatever). am missing the valet family terribly. :'( well that's enough for now. it's been quite a weekend thus far. am thankful for both good and rough moments; each make me stronger in some way or another. am thankful for family most of all, and for andy, and how he's (somehow) making it through.

night!

home for the holidays

home, sweet home!
thoughts:
the drive home was great.
getting to kansas city right at 5 is a genius idea...
everyone at subway is excited to have me back-- i'm thankful they're so welcoming! i'm excited to be back, too... hope i don't suck at the job, though. :)
wesley is the coolest guy!!!
i have a LOT of clothes in my closet now.
i really enjoyed mom's concert!
and it's good to be home.
can't wait to see em and andy this weekend!...

'my little pony' has very icky hair

tonight i enjoyed spending time over at the keehner household. it'd been basically all semester since i'd gotten to spend time w/ them... julie made THE nicest dinner (steak, veggies, sweet potatoes, salad, cheesecake), and we ate by candlelight! i got to help breesha w/ her homework, and desi crawled up on my lap, very tired, sort of just laying in my arms, on my lap. i think i could've held her forever. before she went to bed, she gave me a little kiss on the cheek. she is so adorable; it's amazing what the light of little children can do for a person. i thank God for children!!!

so... what else did i get to do? played w/ maddie, the dog (she seemed to take a very strong liking in me!) and brushed my little pony's hair about a million times. wow. i'm reminded as to why i like having short hair-- i don't have to comb through any knots! but, that was fun. got to listen to desi sing along to "i'm gettin nuttin for christmas" about a million times... lol...

have been packing up. i think my car will be as full as it was when i moved in... eeks... oh well. :) gotta head to bed so i'm awake tomorrow... last night in my dorm room for quite a while!!! i'll miss my vellux blanket and super comfy bv blanket. :)

four down, one to go

wow-- how this week has flown! had two finals on monday (kicked butt on 'em both-yahoo!), two finals yesterday (same story!), and one to go-- sounds pleasant, right? but it's the oceanography take-home final. 19 pages worth of h-e-double hockey sticks. eeek! somebody help!!! it's the only thing i have between me and tomorrow morning at 10am when i'll be free to head home. *wish me luck*

i did a lot of talking online last night w/ jason from GA-- now i'm purdy excited about meeting up at the plaza. it'll be nice to walk 'n talk, see the lights, hang out-- i haven't seen him in a year and a half! there's no way he won't let me have a fun time-- he wouldn't allow for that. (gotta love the guy.) clarification, though. this isnt a date. just for you people out there who are wondering... :)

had another great night of sleep but for some crazy reason i woke up at 8. why 8? i could've slept til, like, noon! the body does funny things sometimes. at times it's hard to get up at 9, and at times my body's up and ready to go at 6. hmmm. well at least i didn't have a crazy dream last night. and the night pretty much flew by. i had "love song for a savior" playing all night... great song... it's always been my favorite. anywhoooooo.

might as well get on this take-home exam. the more i do now, the more i can pack and de-stress later. don't want to be up late tonight finishing it up! have a good day, friends... good luck to everyone involved w/ finals!!!

the happiest christmas of all

"oh the happiest christmas is a homecoming christmas...bright candles burning, old friends returning, the wishes of children coming true. and the happiest wishes are just old-fashioned wishes; may your days be merry and may your sorrows be small; may the ones you love be near you... that's the happiest christmas of all." --michael w. smith, what a beautiful song.

i woke up this morning, and what would you know-- yet another dream. (when will they end?) it was so... odd. i mean, it made sense, but still odd b/c of the fact that i was even having the dream. and b/c all the dreams basically follow the same patterns. hmph.

maybe not everybody feels like this, but might i say that i LOVE finals week purely b/c of the amount of sleep that i'm allowed to get during it!? getting to bed by 10 and 12 (b/c i was on duty) has really rocked. and, might i add, i love 23-hr quiet hours. ;-) some of my residents really aren't so bad when they're quiet and/or hardly ever around... hehehe...

talked w/ theresa from subway yesterday, requesting hours over break, and she called back just a few hours later to let me know i was put on the schedule for right after i get home, and soon she'll be making the next sched, and i'll be on that one too. how's that for speed, and for security of some sort! i am so thankful she's so willing to let me pick up a few hours while i'm home. and so thankful to wear those ugly purple shirts again... ;-) lol, i don't mind too much. it'll be nice to just be making a little bit of money. (and i do mean "a little bit," i kid you not... but all is well.)

"and the happiest wishes are just old-fashioned wishes, may your days be merry, and your sorrows be small, may the ones you love be near you... that's the happiest christmas of all." may it be the happiest christmas of all, for all... somehow...

thank God for moms

i talked to mom tonight. twice. i sort of hung up on her the first time-- not really hung up, but short-changed the conversation b/c i was upset. thank goodness she called back a little later. we talked. i cried a little. long story short, it helped.

i've felt so odd today. i've taken a couple of naps just b/c the only times i've really felt anywhere near normal is when i've been asleep-- but getting to sleep has been difficult. sooo much on my mind. and i've been having such odd dreams. last night, i dreamt that i was in the peace corps (well what would you know?), somewhere in africa, i believe (so much for the hope of being placed in a spanish-speaking country!). nothing about it was right, though. it was more like an assignment to the cia or something- i couldnt let anyone know where i was or what i was doing. no phone calls. nothing, for two years. i spent the whole time worried about somebody from my family dying or there being something big that i'd not know about until two years later. all this is just odd b/c i really have been thinking a lot about the peace corps recently (i used to think about it all the time, like around my junior year of high school). every dream these past two weeks have been very vivid, and depending on the night, either very realistic/relevant or very "out there." as in... when i wake up... i'm thinking, oh, thank goodness that was just a dream... real people from my life have been in them... real situations, too. arrrgh-- what could make them stop? can't give up sleeping. i like sleeping a lot. it's shown this weekend.

hmm... sort of feeling odd again. not sure what else to say w/o sounding like a jumbled, mumbled mess. so... think i might head to bed. nice and early. just worry about stuff in the morning. argh. here goes finals week..... good luck to everyone in the same situation. good night, friends.

pop tarts for dinner... mmmm... hello, finals week!

"i'm here to meet with you
come and meet with me
i'm here to find you
reveal yourself to me
(chorus)
as i wait, you make me strong
as i long, you draw me to your arms
as i stand and sing your praise
you come, you come, and you fill this place
won't you come, won't you come, and fill this place"

arrrrgh... can't get this song out of my head. it's on this new worship xperience cd that i have, and so it's been on repeat all day. amazing song.

had a friend visit real quick to drop by a "finals week survival kit" from summit church. fun stuff! that's where i got the pop tarts from. cinnamon and brown sugar... mmmm... with milk. now there's dinner for a queen! (geesh, this must be finals week.)

"as i wait... you make me strong... as i long... you draw me to your arms..."
time to do some more essay-writing and finals preparation........

no hay mal que por bien no venga

i've been sort of homesick today, but in an odd way. it's not for the midwest... rather, it's for the southwest. i love arizona like none other. i'm homesick for the southwestern style, attitude, sun, deserts, cacti, diversity... all of it. this general "feeling" that didn't take me more than negative 5 minutes to get (before even landing in phoenix last spring!). i want to be there. there's not a single part of me that doesn't. i don't care if i have to go alone. but i want to be there. i want to drive past the hispanic communities on my way to work. i want to stop and converse w/ people of diversity-- to ride the public buses and feel sort of lost then to have a conversation entirely in spanish w/ somebody who can help me find my way (like last spring). to go for a million runs out under the fabulous southwestern sun (i know it's the same sun everywhere, but... i think it's different there... it's... better somehow) w/ shorts and a jogging top (wearing lots of sunscreen, of course!), to wear shorts and skirts and spaghetti strap shirts and tank tops a lot (the more modest sort, though-- i don't want to walk around wearing basically nothing like i saw many of the az gals doing when i was there... eek!, i think i'd respect myself and other people a little more than that!), to walk places, to get to know people in the area, to go to an awesome church, to teach or just do whatever in the phoenix area........... reach out to others............ shop at the buffalo exchange (be still, my heart!!!!!). :-D so... looking online at houses and apartments and just everything in the area... the southwest... it's just calling my name. will this ever be possible? i'm wondering if a trip down there would be possible sometime soon. there's a place called "maggie's house" in phoenix (tempe area, i think) that is a place for pregnant women/girls to go who need help and shelter during their pregnancy (either b/c they've been turned away by their families or b/c they are homeless or just need special attention, etc)... well basically, they run almost entirely off of volunteers who live at the house and spend their time w/ the gals, giving them hope, encouraging them, lifting them up... and it's a Christian ministry, as well. i think this sounds really awesome and i'd like to help out sometime........ wonder if this'd be possible?... ahh, but anyway. the southwest. i've been many, many places in the u.s. but none has been quite like the southwest.

i've been listening to the havana nights soundtrack, dancing around my room like a foo'. all hispanic music... ahhh... i love it. i can't wait to travel. i can't wait to have this music all around me and to go to discos and dance some nights away to it. to experience the culture. so, so unlike this culture! to go and just forget about everything back here and just "become." sra vieira said that learning a new language and living out that language is like becoming an entirely different person- developing a whole new "being." she said that i will experience this when i start my travels, and espec. next fall when i'm living abroad for about four months. how much will i change, i wonder? how much will i just fall in love w/ it?-- and never want to come home? funny considering i am always wanting to be at home, but... a part of me is changing, i think. now, i sort of want to be away. i dont care how much money i have b/c i don't want to rely on money. i just want to live. to experience. i hope my speaking skills can be good enough to make some native friends and spend time w/ them... i don't want to spend my whole time w/ english speakers who are learning spanish-- b/c we'd probably speak a lot of english then. i don't want that. i want to be immersed. throw me out there. sink or swim. etc. live it up. it'll happen soon...

ojos que no ven, corazon que no siente. if only this were true.

dreams... eek

why in the world have i been having these dreams the past couple of weeks? i'm not going to recapture them in words, but let's just say... weird. i wake up and jump down from my bunk thinking in one of two ways: "ugh, i'm so glad it was just a dream" or "gosh, i wish i'd continue sleeping forever." odd......

discover!

we cannot discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

that's my thought for today. (well, that's my thought that was conveniently taken from someone who said it before me. not sure who, though.)

one more day

it has been a good day. only one more to go. then, alas, finals, and i'll be home free. however, i'll be staying a couple of days after i'm done w/ my finals. figure i may as well enjoy college w/o the college (classes) for a little while. go for some runs. read a good book while sipping an iced chai at grand central coffee perhaps?. wash my dishes (ick... don't even get me started on that one). have dinner w/ julie and the kids. pack up to go home... fun stuff!

so i've been wondering something for like two weeks now. if there are the vagina monologues now, then when in the world will the penis monologues make its big debut? only time can tell. it'll probably hit bv w/in the next couple of years and there will be a big fight on campus- men vs. women- who will win? geesh. lol. and i can't believe i just wrote the words penis and vagina in my blog, but... i'm human. and they're parts of the human body. so there ya go. :-P

sooooo... another thought. today, in bv news (which goes out to everyone in the bv community), tom weeks (note: student senate president here at bv, though i'm not sure why... keep reading...) posted a comment that said something like this: "after last night's party these items were found: ...., ...., ...., and a few female unmentionables. if you wish to claim these, please stop by constitution *insert number here.*" amazing. i'm pretty sure students voted for him like it was a high school election... again, amazing. there are just no words for that. i want to laugh and i want to cry at the same time. oh, but God bless tom weeks... yes...

got in the middle of a fun flour fight tonight! walked away looking sort of... white. like it snowed. the lounge was ultra white and snowy. it was great! :) i've got lots of pics on my comp now. wanna see em? i'll send em to ya.

onward to bed, and onward to the last day of classes for this semester! may they go well...

another brother

everybody check out my youngest older brother's most recent post at andrewthomas.blogspot.com!

he's living in andy's room right now. ha, ha.

sort of exciting. i love how my mom just loves and gives. i wonder what dad thinks of this? i sort of have mixed feelings. i mean... for years and years i always put "a little sister" at THE very top of my christmas list... never once got it. and now, 20 years later, another brother. (well, sort of a brother. nobody knows how long he'll be living at our house. sort of have mixed feelings about that as far as how busy and tired mom is already... how i worry about that literally all of the time, and financial stuff... but i know i shouldn't be selfish. the only thing i'll be selfish about is that he can't live in my room. b/c i still live there, goshdarnit.) :) can't wait to meet him. i wonder if he likes hugs? b/c right now i really just want to give him a big ole' hug. would he look up to me like a big sis? i've always wanted a younger sibling. to be a good example for a younger sib-- to call him or her "pal" and hopefully help him/her out whenever needed. to do fun things w/ him/her. sort of give him/her what i sort of felt like i didn't get too much (hugs, encouragement, mostly-- support-- attention- smiles- the things i think all younger sibs should get from their older sibs). hmm... fun thoughts. no reason to worry. hakuna matata. this will be great, whatever the situation! just thank GOD that he's in a safe place. no child... no child at all... deserves such instability and abuse. he's in great hands now. what happens from here... God has complete control of. just gotta trust! (and pray that mom isnt giving herself toooooooooo much to handle... though she's the sort of person who will say that nothing is too much-- she could take on the world w/ one hand, and cook a feast for 1000 w/ the other at the same time. and a darn good feast, at that. man, i love that woman like none other...)

time to do my very last piece of homework before the semester is over! (besides studying for finals.) writing my final directed observation paper over my interview w/ sra vieira! can't wait! though i'm sad that my ed classes are ending-- they've been incredible this semester. my ed professors rock my face off times a trillion. later, gators...

heat wave in iowa!

could somebody please tell me why i can leave swope w/ a light long-sleeve shirt and flipflops on and not freeeeeze to death? it's december 8th, and it's northwest iowa, for heaven's sake. what the heck!?! it's a heat wave in iowa!!! go away, heat wave! bring snow! but not bad traffic conditions-- don't bring those until after i go home! :)

so... i got about 9 hours of sleep last night. how did this happen? well, amidst my snoozing for about 20 minutes... i must've been really comfortable there on the futon... so when i woke up, those 20 minutes of snoozing had turned into about an hour and a half and had cut into about 20 minutes of my first class. and it's the last week of class! who would've thought!? so i got up, brushed my teeth, threw on comfy pants and a t-shirt and hoodie, boots (w/o socks-- didn't have time for those!) and grabbed my glasses and took off for class. you should've just seen the look on my face as i walked in. :-S thank goodness i didnt miss too much... but... gosh darn snooze button.

i have had a great week so far- not too much stress- am taking things in stride, especially schoolwork. things are going great along those lines. but... i've been really upset about my residents. not necessarily upset- and not necessarily ticked off-- but let's just say that if half of them dropped off the face of the planet within the next week, i wouldn't mind it a bit. (well, i might mind, but... it sure sounds good to me right now.) i have felt extremely disrespected for no reason by more than a few specific gals and i've basically narrowed it down to this: freshman attitude. a few of them like me when things go their way. they ask me to do something, i do it, and they like me. but then they want me to do something that i can't do as an ra-- or i tell them they need to be quiet b/c it's quiet hours-- and they suddenly think i'm the world's biggest witch. and they gather together and talk about it. and then... as if that isnt bad enough... my bulletin board that i've had up-- the one where people can write things they're thankful for-- somebody wrote on it something that wasn't so nice (directed toward me) and i just thought-- wow-- talk about mature (insert sarcasm here). i was doing my job on monday and had to confront a resident who had behaved wrongly. i haven't even seen her since, but i can just sense the hatred she has for me now. i've been nothing but decent, respectful toward them. yet i feel like every little thing i do-- unlock their door-- clean up somebody else's vomit-- bulletin boards i put up-- community builders i plan (which so many people just don't attend)-- nobody is appreciative; it is all just ridiculed. i sure hope these girls grow up a little w/in this next semester......... but such is the life of an ra-- life in a fishbowl. have to just keep moving along and being an example! they will have to learn for themselves.

on a more positive note, i'm now the secretary/treasurer for alpha mu gamma (a national foreign language honor society) here at bv. wheeeee! the greatest part about it? i'm not even officially inducted into amg yet. lol... gotta love it! this will be great. amg is a big honor! these a's in my spanish classes have paid off in more ways than one!

only two more days of classes. can't believe it!

had better get on homework. there's an all-campus ra inservice tonight. gotta be ready to have some fun then! am listening to point of grace's "not that far to bethlehem" repeatedly. a perfect opp to get some stuff done. until later............

post-mws concert thoughts

“all is well” is the most beautiful song i can think of. i want to sing this in church sometime. too bad i’m not a soprano.

“quite frankly, your skunkiness is quite funky.” (leisha confronting jody about the funky skunk smell in the car…)

michael w. smith is the most God-glorifying man I can think of. compassionate, giving, talented but so willing to give all of it to God. what women, in their right mind, wouldn’t want their husbands to be exactly like him? and who would settle for a man who wasn't!? God, grant this to me… grant this to every woman, b/c every woman who is a child of Yours deserves it!!!

“the happiest christmas”—great song.

christmas is a happy time, but for many, it’s not a happy time at all… there are many, many sorrows—lost loved ones—financial difficulties—but it CAN truly be a happy time for all—because Jesus was born—for us. while we deserved death, we received life. how amazing is that?... pretty darn amazing, if you ask me.

“crucified, laid behind a stone. You lived to die, rejected and alone. like a rose…….”

i've heard about compassion international a million times in my life but it wasn't until the concert when something clicked and i just knew... that's what i need to be doing. stay tuned for info about erica viola de jesus, my new compassion child from the dominican republic!!!! i am so excited...... i don't make much money, but i know that i certainly have enough to share w/ someone else...... b/c somebody else needs it so, so, so much more than i do!!!!!!!!!! suddenly the material things in the world are nothing to me--when some people don't even have the basics- clothing, food, shelter, safety, security, love......... i'm so thankful and blessed. truly. i have each of these, plus so much more. but soooooooo many just dont... so many children... how can we settle for this? how can we let children live like this? why aren't more people reaching out? all it takes is a little heart and under 30 dollars a month. and there are even other ways to reach out that don't involve money. why, oh why isnt this happening?.......................

thanks to jody for driving us safely to/from south dakota and for standing beside me as such a wonderful, God-given friend!

rest in peace, jodi munn

i found out this morning during struc/phil of ed that a woman from my oceanography class-- a science ed major, non-trad student who was basically just offered a job at the school of her choice-- was killed in a car accident over the weekend.

talk about sickening. i know that death is a part of life, but when she had two young children... and was just about to graduate... and she worked so hard to get this far in school as a non-trad... i just have to question, "why?"

sure makes me appreciate life and what i have a lot more. my losses are suddenly nothing, compared to others... like her children's, and husband's...

rest in peace, jodi munn.

sunday reflections- lots of 'em!

today i've had an abundance of thoughts that i'd really like to blog--but don't know if i really have that much energy right now. so i'll see what i can do.

i woke up this morning excited about going out to summit for church, but something- just something- told me that maybe i should go to the methodist church instead. after all, i have really missed things there. when i think about the real differences b/w summit as a non-denom, evangelical church and s.l. methodist as a protestant, rather contemporary church, i have to say that--surprisingly--i find God in the methodist church more than at summit. and i never thought i'd say that. i mean, at summit, it's all praise and happiness and praise and a neat powerpoint to supplement the message and more praise. it's wonderful, no doubt. great people--great opp to just worship God. but i realized so much more this morning-- is that really what i want? it's great, yes, and i wouldnt complain if that was my only option of church for the rest of my life, but given the option... i'll take the methodist church (in this case, up here at school). wow- this morning showed me so much of what i'd really been missing. the children, the diversity in ages, the Lord's Prayer, communion--and an actual explanation of what communion really is (which i find is often left out of more evangelical churches' communions-- and to me, that's really taking away the sanctity of communion)... bev's message was absolutely wonderful, too-- now i've really enjoyed summit's messages, but there's just something about bev's... especially today. it's not about being showy. it's about so much more... something i just can't put into words. the music, even-- definitely isnt lacking-- there are singers, guitars, keyboard-- and great praise songs. and to sit by jody-- just so many reasons why i knew i should go this morning, and i definitely wasnt let down. thank You, God, for showing me these things.......

i've gotten a lot of homework done today. not that i had a LOT to do-- but still. i even took about an hour and a half break to go work out-- i ran, lifted some, stretched quite a bit, ran some more... did some crunches... it felt really good to just exercise. while i was on the treadmill, the most disturbing television show was on, but i'm not sure what the name of it was. basically, things were all wrong in it. kids- barely teenagers- were kissing, and a couple (probably juniors in high school, or seniors, it looked like) "got a place" for a night so they could... well, basically, "do it" for the first time. ok, first of all, everything perturbed me about this. the girl- how misled she was- how she basically talked her boyfriend into thinking "it was right" when he was doubting it- horrible!!! it was truly a scene of misguided CHILDREN succumbing to the pressure of the world, saying that "sex equals love." why does television have to show this so, so much!? AND- second of all- the "place" the girl found was her dad's church-- she'd stolen the keys-- and she'd laid down a "bed area" and made a room all seductive and such. in her words, "i covered up all the weird pictures of Jesus." i was appalled... so, somebody please remind me again why i don't watch television? i am again reminded of how thankful i am that i've not given in to the pressures of the world. my virginity belongs to my husband. i'd sure appreciate it if women- esp. young women like on the tv show- would realize what they're doing to themselves and to their guys... the very last scene of the show showed them laying down- ever such the typical scene w/ his shirt off, her covered up, w/ her head on his chest, and she looks up at him and says "i'm so glad we did this." the look on his face though... he looked like he regretted it horribly... and she chose not even to care. selfishness. that's what it is. lust. so, so sad to me... although i've not been there, i know people who have-- and i just wish other people would save themselves the emotional pain of "the first time" by waiting until they're REALLY w/ the "right one" (spouse, basically). but of course TV wouldnt show sex scenes of married couples. no, that's not exciting. what's exciting is those extramarital affairs, those teenagers, those strangers at a party. thoooooose are the scenes that people want to see. well i'm sorry, tv, it's not what leisha wants to see. once again. why i choose not to watch television. but- stepping off the soapbox-

i talked w/ jason tonight, my friend from georgia (originally from excelsior springs-- we both went on the chicago mission trip a couple of summers ago). he claims he's already met his future wife, and he just has to get her to move from iowa-- (basically, it's me)--so he thinks he'll take me on a carriage ride and pop the question when we meet at the plaza right before christmas (since he'll be in town). i said "oh, yes, be still my heart." this guy cracks me up. somehow i don't think any of that will be happening (aside from meeting at the plaza- i think we will be doing that-- and hanging out at tomfooleries!)... but he can dream. heck, i don't blame him. look at me! ow, owwww! *cat call* ;-)

dad called tonight, to say thanks for the card. i loved hearing his laugh-- (it was a funny card)-- and i told him about the mws concert. it was nice to tell him first instead of mom-- since i usually tell mom everything first. it was wonderful to talk w/ him- definitely improvement from past years. it was nice to talk w/ mom, too. i am always thankful for their phone calls... since i really don't get many calls anymore. :-S

the most awesome thing happened tonight. well, a few things-- like talking w/ one of my mentees about mexico and getting to translate an email from one of his mexican friends, and hanging out w/ autumn for a little while in the rec center (but there was this guy there- and apparently he downed 38 beers and a half bottle of jack daniels a few nights ago over the course of 5 hours--- ok, there are no words for that except "WHY!?")... but the most awesome thing was having britt (one of my residents) come in my room and give me a christmas present. it was the passion of the Christ!!!! the video!!!! i was shocked to have received something from a resident- but it was from her and her roomie... i told her i was just so, so thankful for it. she said she hasnt even seen it yet, and that she'd like to watch it w/ me... so i REALLY look forward to doing that! i look forward to seeing it again, just in general. i saw it twice in the theatres- what a very strong effect it had on me, both times...

welp, i'm done w/ rounds for the night, so i think i might just get on to bed. it's been a good day. tough at times, but good for the most part. God's taking good care of me. i wouldn't expect anything less. psalm 34:18-19-- michael dick gave me this verse yesterday- so i wrote it up on a post-it note and put it on my desk so i can always see it. check it out.

have a good night, friends...

losing (or finding?) myself in service

i got to spend some time working on the habitat for humanity house today in storm lake; guess what i got to do!? roofing!!!!-- well, more like shingling. i LOVED it! i was up on a little shed, not flat in any sense of the word (but i stayed mostly on the tip of it), and got to do about 5 or 6 rows, total, of shingles on both sides... it reminded me greatly of my mission trip to kentucky years ago. i LOVED it! i am going to make it a goal to head out that way and help w/ painting sometime this week. i've been wanting to help w/ habitat for sooooo long... it's about time... i love working on that sort of stuff! :) (oh-- and i wasn't half bad at hammering the nails, either-- and wouldnt you know it, i'd done just fine and dandy until the VERY last nail when i finally hammered my fingers for the first time!... oh well, it was still fun!)

this evening i tried making mac and cheese w/ tuna, but for some reason i just wasnt hungry for it (yeah-- AFTER i'd made it) and so i didnt really eat any dinner at all. didnt bother me much though... but after a nap around 7pm, i woke up and just really needed to get out of my room (i was feeling sort of weird... sad... anxious... not really sure). so i got ahold of jody and we met down at the cent room. had breadsticks w/ ranch dressing and marinara sauce (mmmmm!) and a frappucino (vanilla, of course!). i got to listen to some of michael w. smith's new songs on his newest CD, and what would you know... turns out that jody and i will be traveling to sioux falls, south dakota, on monday night to see his christmas concert!!!! (he'll be there w/ point of grace and the katinas!) incredible... we got nosebleed seats, but who cares-- just as long as we're there! it'll be about a 2 1/2 hr drive each way-- but oh so worth it-- and i think we both deserve the break! not to mention an amazing opportunity to worship God... yay!!!!!!

i am very thankful for jody and our friendship. i am thankful for a lot of things. like today- it was such a beautiful day outside. i could've stayed on that shed's roof forever, hammering my little heart out. and even tonight-- only had to wear a sweatshirt-- and the stars were out, so overlooking schaller chapel and the forum lawn-- wow, there's just no way to describe it. definitely reason to give thanks. just the fact that i CAN attend a college (esp. the one of my choice) is reason enough to be forever thankful. i truly am blessed... and i'm trying to make the best of my experience. (hence, it's saturday night, midnight, and i'm working on homework. but that's just the way i am... *smiles* some call me boring, some call me dedicated. i don't mind, either way. i'd rather be doing homework than going out and getting smashed like so many people seem to be doing tonight-- i know this b/c i can hear almost everyone walking outside my window-- yelling and being inappropriate and such... but different people have different ways of enjoying themselves. my way was spending some gal time w/ jody in the cent room this evening, listening to mws, just talking. that's what i call real. i am thankful for the opportunity to be real!

so i read on boundless.org (GREAT site; christian college-aged site) that, after a good relationship is over, it takes at least half of the length of the relationship to cope... looks like this'll be an interesting next 9 months, then. :-S nah... i know God's going to carry me through this. i have absolutely no idea what is in store for me. it could be good, it could be bad. i guess that's all a part of life... hanging on for the ride; trusting God w/ the reigns. i'm holding on tight. (God, just please don't let go of those reigns!)

i can't believe christmas is just 20 days away. where in the world did this year go!? seems like '04 just got started. wow........ can YOU believe that '05 is almost here? geesh, i'm going to be 20 soon. i love that thought. 20--two whole decades. it sounds so much better than 19. i hate being considered a "teen." i am a young adult, not a teen. notice that "twenty" has no "teen" in it- thank goodness! soon, soon, soon... 20 will be here. i don't even care a bit about 21. don't really plan on drinking, anyway. but just to be considered "not a teen." yessss!

nighty night, friends......

friday night/sat morning update

yes... so... that friend from earlier?

during 2am rounds, lindsey and i were oh-so-kindly greeted at the 1st floor north bathroom w/ about a butt load of VOMIT... outside the bathroom, on the carpet, and inside the bathroom. never have i smelled anything so horrible, or seen anything so horrible. i think i could tell literally everything that he'd eaten for dinner. had i been a very hungry gal, i could have picked up the whole pepperoni slices and the part of a sliced pickle that i saw, and eaten it (now doesn't that sound scrumdiddlyumpcious?). so that was a nice 50-minute round period... spent cleaning up every inch of it.

i have a newfound respect for ra's... especially the ones in pierce and white. but in swope, too. goodness, what a night it's been. i also had to confront a room on my way up to my room-- i smelled alcohol--but didn't do anything but tell them to settle down. should have pried a little more than what i did. guess it's just not in my nature that much yet. anywho. hope to get some sleep tonight and hopefully wake up before noon. :-S yes, welcome to the life of an ra on a wonderful friday night/sat morning at buena vista university, where alcohol is basically a flavored water to the majority of students.

another crazy friday night

another party night spent on primary duty... it's 1am and i just got greeted by a very drunk friend (male) on 1st floor while i was unlocking somebody's room so she could get in. wow. so... he is very friendly when he's drunk. i don't think he's ever been so excited to see me before. "leisha! oh my gawd! it's leisha! leisha, what are you DOing? how ARE you? *insert hug here*" yes... i was like... hmm... having a little fun tonight? it was sad to smell the alcohol on his breath-- considering he's 19, and he's in a big role model position for elementary education majors. i wish it wouldnt be so easy for minors to have access to all this alcohol; why can't people be more responsible and realize they're hurting others....... i am glad i am an ra though, even if i'm napping at 1am and somebody needs to be let into her room, and i run across drunk folk roaming the halls. i've sure been taught a lot this year... i no longer jump at judging those who drink; instead, i feel badly for them. and scared for them. the ambulance makes way too many visits to bv than is necessary on party nights.

on a diff. note-- happy big 5-0, dad!!! (ok, a few hours late, i know.)

got in a run on the treadmill earlier- did a little lifting- then sat out by the lighthouse, overlooking the beautiful icy lake for about 20 minutes in the cold. prayed and cried and prayed some more... sure needed that. then went to eat dinner- and ended up having a 2-hr convo w/ toni bossi (from st. louie); who would have thought? he sure helped me out a lot... although he does not believe in God, i know that God had that conversation planned out somehow... i sensed Him in a lot of it. (thank You, God!)

alright, time for a little nap, then rounds after 2......

rise and shine--give God the glory, glory!

i got to sing this to jody this morning. fun, fun, fun!

might i say, i am having a darn good hair day. yay for kms paste-up spray! the little green bottle does a world of wonders-- that, and my wonderful hair dryer. yes, such material things really do make a difference in my life (however, i could do w/o if i had to). hmmmm... so what else.

in class, bev had us "guesstimate" the mean and standard deviation of a set of data scores (ok, keeping in mind this is an ed psych class... not a math class). there i was, complaining that i'm horrible at math, when she says, "it's not about the math." it's not about the math!? "why do you hate me, bev?" and she just smiled....... such evil behind that smile! sure love the woman anyway, though... *smiles*

argh, i had such awful dreams last night. why do we sometimes dream the things we do? i was really glad to wake up when i did... i don't think i could have taken anymore of the dreams. and, oh yeah-- my phone rang, like, 3 times around 1-2 am, and when i finally picked it up the second time, nobody was there, and the same goes for the next time. needless to say, that was weird. so... unusual night... but at least i'm rested and energized enough for the day. friday. oh, can't hardly believe it. only one more week of classes... can't hardly believe it.

"life's a dance, you learn as you go. sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. don't worry 'bout what you dont know; life's a dance, you learn as you gooooooooo." just now got this song stuck in my head though i havent listened to it in years....... great song.

alright, all for now. will write more later... have a great day...

there's a crack in everything...

...except jesus' birth and love. i am definitely kirk, i am definitely gunther...

"the best part of waking up is folger's in your cup"
"where in the world is carmen sandiego?"
i've been enjoying a ton of rockapella music. there's absolutely nothing like male acappella music!

it's a sun-shiny, beautiful day. dont even have to wear a coat--
got the most wonderful card from jody today; it was in spanish!!! and it definitely lifted me up. (thank you, jody!!! i love you!!!) i also bought dad the greatest 50th bday card, ever. sent it off, even though he'll get it a day late (oh well). (yep- the big guy's big 5-0 is on the 3rd; happy birthday to him!!!)

literally two weeks until i'm heading home. i can't believe it, one bit. wow... not even sure what to think about that.

welp... here's to a much stronger day than what i've had recently. God is definitely taking care of me... through hugs, awesome cards, help in classes, awesome profs, sun shining, and the leftover oreo fluff that was in the servery today from last night's christmas dinner. yes, it's a happy day in the servery when there's oreo fluff. too bad bv students don't pay enough tuition to have it on a more regular basis (like, more than twice a year).... hmmm... :)

more thoughts to come later, i'm sure!

letting go and letting God- a prayer

it happened today (or rather, last night, but more-so today than anything). i let go. and i let God.

this hasnt been an easy journey and i know there's a lot more to go through... but i cant handle any of it. that's why i'm giving it to Him. there's nothing that i could possibly do that could ever help anything..........

help me, God, for i am so small, so weak. place this love in Your hands, place this pain in Your hands. take ethan and his family and wrap your arms so tightly around them. they are hurting- especially ethan, grasping for breathe. show him how to breathe... allow him to do so...

please rid of all my expectations for my life, for people, for anything. through these expectations i am cutting You off from really creating something for me- that would be even greater than what i could ever expect. create, God.

let there be forgiveness... please.
it is yours....... all of my life........ all of my struggles. take them from me. i can no longer play tug-of-war w/ you. i have lost, miserably. i have lost an amazing friend who has shown me more than anyone about You, about love, and about myself. i do not, God, want to lose any more... please...........

it's these tears that i give to You. i can't cry them anymore.......
in Your name... Lord... amen.