no hay mal que por bien no venga

i've been sort of homesick today, but in an odd way. it's not for the midwest... rather, it's for the southwest. i love arizona like none other. i'm homesick for the southwestern style, attitude, sun, deserts, cacti, diversity... all of it. this general "feeling" that didn't take me more than negative 5 minutes to get (before even landing in phoenix last spring!). i want to be there. there's not a single part of me that doesn't. i don't care if i have to go alone. but i want to be there. i want to drive past the hispanic communities on my way to work. i want to stop and converse w/ people of diversity-- to ride the public buses and feel sort of lost then to have a conversation entirely in spanish w/ somebody who can help me find my way (like last spring). to go for a million runs out under the fabulous southwestern sun (i know it's the same sun everywhere, but... i think it's different there... it's... better somehow) w/ shorts and a jogging top (wearing lots of sunscreen, of course!), to wear shorts and skirts and spaghetti strap shirts and tank tops a lot (the more modest sort, though-- i don't want to walk around wearing basically nothing like i saw many of the az gals doing when i was there... eek!, i think i'd respect myself and other people a little more than that!), to walk places, to get to know people in the area, to go to an awesome church, to teach or just do whatever in the phoenix area........... reach out to others............ shop at the buffalo exchange (be still, my heart!!!!!). :-D so... looking online at houses and apartments and just everything in the area... the southwest... it's just calling my name. will this ever be possible? i'm wondering if a trip down there would be possible sometime soon. there's a place called "maggie's house" in phoenix (tempe area, i think) that is a place for pregnant women/girls to go who need help and shelter during their pregnancy (either b/c they've been turned away by their families or b/c they are homeless or just need special attention, etc)... well basically, they run almost entirely off of volunteers who live at the house and spend their time w/ the gals, giving them hope, encouraging them, lifting them up... and it's a Christian ministry, as well. i think this sounds really awesome and i'd like to help out sometime........ wonder if this'd be possible?... ahh, but anyway. the southwest. i've been many, many places in the u.s. but none has been quite like the southwest.

i've been listening to the havana nights soundtrack, dancing around my room like a foo'. all hispanic music... ahhh... i love it. i can't wait to travel. i can't wait to have this music all around me and to go to discos and dance some nights away to it. to experience the culture. so, so unlike this culture! to go and just forget about everything back here and just "become." sra vieira said that learning a new language and living out that language is like becoming an entirely different person- developing a whole new "being." she said that i will experience this when i start my travels, and espec. next fall when i'm living abroad for about four months. how much will i change, i wonder? how much will i just fall in love w/ it?-- and never want to come home? funny considering i am always wanting to be at home, but... a part of me is changing, i think. now, i sort of want to be away. i dont care how much money i have b/c i don't want to rely on money. i just want to live. to experience. i hope my speaking skills can be good enough to make some native friends and spend time w/ them... i don't want to spend my whole time w/ english speakers who are learning spanish-- b/c we'd probably speak a lot of english then. i don't want that. i want to be immersed. throw me out there. sink or swim. etc. live it up. it'll happen soon...

ojos que no ven, corazon que no siente. if only this were true.