letting go and letting God- a prayer

it happened today (or rather, last night, but more-so today than anything). i let go. and i let God.

this hasnt been an easy journey and i know there's a lot more to go through... but i cant handle any of it. that's why i'm giving it to Him. there's nothing that i could possibly do that could ever help anything..........

help me, God, for i am so small, so weak. place this love in Your hands, place this pain in Your hands. take ethan and his family and wrap your arms so tightly around them. they are hurting- especially ethan, grasping for breathe. show him how to breathe... allow him to do so...

please rid of all my expectations for my life, for people, for anything. through these expectations i am cutting You off from really creating something for me- that would be even greater than what i could ever expect. create, God.

let there be forgiveness... please.
it is yours....... all of my life........ all of my struggles. take them from me. i can no longer play tug-of-war w/ you. i have lost, miserably. i have lost an amazing friend who has shown me more than anyone about You, about love, and about myself. i do not, God, want to lose any more... please...........

it's these tears that i give to You. i can't cry them anymore.......
in Your name... Lord... amen.