(almost) time for take-off

the very short first week of my summer has come and gone, and now, in the next couple of days, i'm facing the great unknown (for me): international traveling! has the time really arrived?

on monday (my 20th birthday by the way-- finally a teenager no longer), some of the fam and i are going to omaha to spend the day at the zoo, then i'll be dropped off at a hotel near the airport in omaha, stay the night there w/ a couple of gals who are going on the trip, and then take off from the airport on tuesday, early afternoon. to amsterdam, then madrid, then all over spain-- studying in granada for two weeks-- then onward to belgium, through switzerland, and to italy.

i go back and forth on how i feel about this. i'm excited, i'm nervous, i'm excited, i'm scared, i can't wait, i can wait. i need to go, i want to stay, i want to go, i need to stay. all sorts of mixed feelings, but i know they won't be mixed once i'm on the plane. it'll be a definite "by golly, woohoo!" yep!

i got an awesome "traveler's companion" journal from andy and emily (thank you!!!!!!!!!) which i plan to use throughout the four weeks or so.

will my spanish improve? oh, we'll see. i do know, though, that i'll be living w/ a woman (elvira) who is 46 years old and her son (carlos) who is 18 and studies hostelry in college. apparently they like music, sports, and food. i think i can handle that juuuuust fine. during the first week we'll be staying in hostels and during the last week we'll be staying in hostels, too-- i truly am excited about hostelling it up-- woohooooo!

this is only an introduction to how i feel about this coming month. there are a million bajillion thoughts that have been flying through my head this past week about sooooo many things-- traveling, family, a former relationship, ministry, friendship, teaching, languages, money, and more traveling. i wish i could do more than brush the surface. a person who got inside my head might see that my thoughts are much more profound than what i could ever write in a simple blog. life has been an issue for me-- as in, what am i doing in this life right now-- assessing where i am and where i might be-- and striving to simply be me, for the sake of being me, not to please or impress anybody. i have a lot of growing and changing (good changing, i hope) to do. it might happen soon, it might not. let's hope for the best!

blessings and peace to all-- everybody have a safe, safe june! wear sunscreen! (especially if you have a bald head!)

a day of goodbyes

it started at 4:30 this morning. i think my body knew that i'd be needing to wake up at 5 in order to see the gals (michiko, ayako, kyoko, yumi, and fumiko) off. forget 5-- 4:30 worked for me-- i wanted all the time w/ the gals that i could get. we walked over to liberty together and all of us said goodbye. not an easy task when you've developed a friendship over 9 months and have no idea when you'll see each other next-- ayako and i get the award for being the first to get tears in our eyes. *sigh* i wish they all could have stayed. the cards and gifts were great but really... i'd much rather have them... but this is what happens each year. i'll be saying goodbye to naoko and tomomi this next week at my house. that won't be easy, either. oh well... sometimes things just aren't easy. they make us stronger, though. there's a lot of hope in that.

speaking of goodbyes. today i will be officially packing my car and saying goodbye to bv for the next (almost) 8 months. goodbye to the ra job, goodbye to my own room (who knows where i will really be when i get back? maybe an ra again, maybe not!), goodbye to the most amazing profs in the world, goodbye to internet access 24/7 all over campus w/ this fabulous laptop, goodbye to sharing itty bitty shower stalls, goodbye to this beautiful lake, goodbye to salt & light books and the consignment shop and the goodwill, goodbye to slow iowa highway speed limits (though i hear they're being raised soon?), goodbye to my academic assistant position (that one sure flew by!), and goodbye to a year that caused so much pain and sorrow, yet so much joy and opportunity. i still feel like i wouldn't change a thing that has happened this year (w/ the exception of tony's suicide-- although even that provided a lot of unity and learning opportunity-- but, sure, leave it to me to look at a suicide optimistically). sitting in beth's office and talking with her this past week, i said: "to look at where i was, to look at where i am, and to look at where i will be"-- incredible. i'm saying goodbye to a lot-- but i'm saying hello to that much more.

i had tears in my eyes yesterday at graduation. the weather was perfect for such a celebration, and the fieldhouse was PACKED full w/ family and friends. what an accomplishment, making it through college. especially at such a place as bv, where everyone becomes family. i hope my graduation day it as beautiful as yesterday's, w/ my family there (i'd like mom, dad, andy, scott, and grandma to be there-- since only 5 are allowed to actually sit in the fieldhouse and watch the ceremony), and homemade food brought up by mom (mmmm). only 2 more years. it's going to fly by! two more semesters on campus, two more semesters off-campus. wow! what a goodbye it will be, then...

thank God for goodbyes. the good ones, the bad ones, the bittersweet ones. they form us into who we are. for this i am thankful, for if it weren't for the goodbyes from this year, i likely wouldn't be who i am on this very day.

hasta luego, buena vista university. ten cuidado.

why am i not surprised?

from the des moines sunday register on april 24, 2005:

"winona, minn.
students reprimanded for 'vagina' buttons
the off-broadway hit "the vagina monologues" has gotten two high schools into trouble. the students were admonished for wearing buttons inspired by the show that say "i (heart) my vagina."
the american civil liberties union of minnesota has offered to help students fight any consequences from their actions.
the trouble started last month after student carrie rethlefsen saw eve ensler's play about female sexuality and sexual violence against women. rethlefsen and fellow student emily nixon soon began wearing the buttons.
principal nancy wondrasch said some in school find the buttons offensive."

we discussed this in my written comm 2 class this semester-- was about to throw away the paper but wanted to post it first. not going to say much about it. just... why am i not surprised?

banananana man. oh my.

Banananana man. Oh my.
Originally uploaded by LeishaJo.

i think this picture is really, really cool.

yeah, just thought i'd say that.


today was checkout day on campus-- summer's officially here, woohooooo! and what a beautiful day that it was-- it got up to 81 degrees which was a far cry from our usualy 50 to 60 degrees. oh iowa. you're so funny.

i got my ipod mini in the mail today. what a fun toy. i like carrying it in my pocket. it's small. well, mini. so i guess that's not false advertisement or anything. that's good.

i'm really dehydrated (not typical) and hungry right now, and i'm pretty sure that i'm absolutely pooped.

happy day.

affair

i will admit that i have been having a slight affair with my old lover, xanga, and that might be a bit of a reason why i haven't blogged much lately.

on the other hand, finals time is here, and i've got six different finals to attend. yeah. i'd really rather not.

this evening i found myself color-coding all of the shirts in my closet simply for the sake of doing something--anything-- besides studying or writing papers. it was wonderful. my closet looks great, but i'm not so sure it's gotten me anywhere near where i need to be.

i've been thinking a ton about my upcoming travels. and God stuff. and life in general i suppose. have been craving arizona a bit (a flight to az in august would be about 300... ugh). have been curious as to why in the world it feels like winter in the res halls, and i have to escape to the forum in order to feel at least a tiny bit of heat. guess it doesn't matter that summer's almost here. geesh. iowa. i am very blessed, however, to have covers on my bed and a roof over my head (hey, i'm a poet and didn't know it) at all times. i never do forget that.

have gone on an itunes downloading escapade tonight. itunes music store never works much for me anymore so when it worked today, i said "carpe diem" and went at it. bebo norman. michael w. smith. steven curtis chapman. kj-52. jump5. olivia. relient k. all very good stuff.

hmmm... this paper doesn't seem to be going anywhere. outta here.

office of financial assistance

i don't think i like walking into the office of financial assistance here at bvu. the people there... scare me. not to mention that they all deal with numbers and money, both of which can appear to be very scary to some people. they definitely appear scary to me. and then take for instance when i walk in there knowing what i'm talking about... which does happen, believe it or not... they treat me like i don't... and so while there might be friendly hello's at the beginning of a visit, there definitely aren't at the end of a visit. the mean financial assistance people are more like "ahhhhh she's leaving" and i'm more like "ahhhhhh i can leave." and then i leave, dreading the fact that i'll probably have to visit again sometime, and it's not very likely that many of them will have dropped off the face of the planet and gotten a nicer replacement by the time i return. *sigh* if only it weren't this office. i mean, i tend to have to visit there the most, especially recently. many questions. they basically control what amount of money my parents and i end have to pay them. and w/ this study abroad stuff. and loan stuff. and trying to milk it for all it's worth. geesh. *headache* ok. deep breath. it'll all be ok.

and now i shall write the many papers that i've been putting off for a couple of weeks. by tomorrow and friday. wheeeeeee! last two days of classes, hooooahhhhh!


p.s. andy, did you get your paper done???

kc

3:00 today-- head to kc

tonight-- roller skating from 11pm 'til 2am!

tomorrow-- good food and then worlds of fun, woohoo! fun! (hmm, novel concept)

sunday-- much shopping at indep center

then back to bv for the last week of classes!

moments

ever have those moments when everything suddenly runs through your head all at once and then suddenly leaves your head, meanwhile, you're left wondering what the heck just happened? it's not necessarily knowledge, but more like feelings, emotions, thoughts, memories that run through... and all at once. and then--bam--it's all gone, except for the aftermath when you sit there thinking about it all. well, that definitely just happened.

for lack of a better word,... weird.

rollin' in the dough!

thank you, treasurer of the state of missouri, for my $1 tax refund.

i'll try not to spend it all in one place.

3 more weeks

mom and dad went to church w/ me this morning. i was so glad about that; finally they got to see where i worship each sunday. we sang "blessed be the name" at the end of the service and i just busted it out. ohh what a song. "every blessing you pour out..." God has sure poured out a ton of blessings on me.

we got my stuff put in the explorer just find and dandy, as well as andy's bike. i planned it that way. ;-) i hope i can fit the rest of my things in the car as well as naoko and her big, bad mutha of a suitcase in a few weeks.

it was difficult to say goodbye to the fam. we had subway and then said goodbye right after that. it wasn't until we stood up from the table that i just got that awful feeling in my stomach (the kind that eventually runs to the face and makes me look like i'm sick, as tears almost form). sometimes i worry that it will be the last time i ever get to see my family. this life is short and temporary and anything can happen... there've been so many accidents in the bv community this year... so sometimes i just worry that one of those accidents might have one of my parents, or brothers, or grandma, involved in it, or even me. i never want the next family get-together to be over a loved one's death. no, no, no. dixee said that i'll want enough on my credit card to be able to buy a plane ticket home (from study abroad) in case a family member dies. (sad way of putting it, but i'm sure it's happened before). little did she know what a fear that has been of mine. the #1 fear, probably. so anyway... although i know i'll see everyone in just a few short weeks, it was still difficult to say goodbye (particularly to mom-- and she knew it-- she reads me really well and gave me this look that said "i know, honey... i feel the same way" as we hugged), and i really fought the tears as i got into the car. i won, but it was still a difficult fight. gotta have faith though... all will be well. they did make it home safely...

oh. btw. it snowed today. yeah, on may 1st. may day. why am i not the least bit surprised that it was up to 80 a few weeks ago and today it snowed. oh iowa, you're something special!

today was fiesta latina, and i got to see some sweeeeeeeeet moves in schaller, of a group called fantasia (not fan-tay-juh, but fahn-tuh-see-uh... think in spanish terms!) from chicago. oh it rocked, and really made me want to be able to move like that. maybe i'll learn some sweet moves of my own in the discos when i travel... who knows?... i sure hope so.

3 weeks of school. 2 weeks of classes, and one week of finals. am i ever thankful that this year has flown by, particularly this semester. eventually i'm going to be looking back on last semester compared to this semester. oh what a world of a difference, in appearance and in the way that i feel inside. thank God for that!

i've much to do. i slept pretty much from 2:30 to 6... i didn't plan on it... but i did. was zonked out. time for me to get some work done.

thank God for this weekend!