i am

addicted to hummus. mmm mmmm good!

this is your life

are you who you want to be?

good timing=God's timing

had a really awesome conversation w/ erin today. she came over and we planned on talking about tonight's bible study but we ended up talking more about other stuff. let's just say that the conversation was just right. we talked about God's plan for us and God's timing-- how it's so much better than our own. we ended the convo in prayer before she left.

then-- had a great workout in the rec center.

then-- bible study at 9. lasted until past 10! there were 7 of us there!-- not bad! lots of convo-- i love listening to what erin has to say. well, i love listening to what everyone has to say, but... you know. there are some "baby believers" in the group which really adds to the experience-- old believers w/ new believers-- a growing experience for all. may this semester really find each of us growing closer and closer to our Maker!... and each of us waiting for His plan for us! (which is often a very difficult thing to do.)

onward to bed i go...

new semester, new classes

here's what my classes look like this semester:

1. mwf @ 11- religion & culture w/ steinfeld. i've been really anxious to have a steinfeld class since i came here. looks like it will be a LOT of reading and discussion and sort of grappling over questions and ideas as to what religion is in general-- what consistutes religion-- and how it affects the culture in which we live. sweet. the makeup of the class seems to be a really big party crowd which will make it even more interesting-- lots of different viewpoints will be shared then, i hope.
2. mwf @ 12- human relations w/ petersen. and so the trend for the ed profs here on campus goes, she looks to be an awesome prof. very exciting about teaching, learning, reading, relating... on the first day she assigned a book-- an entire book-- to be read for the next classtime, and shared aloud w/ the class. this is a dwc so it'll have a lot of writing which looks like all of it will be very helpful to the ed majors... lots of work, lots of fun!
3. mwf @ 1- special topics w/ richey. my fourth class w/ richey since i've been here. we'll be studying charles the 5th-- carlos quinto-- and his impact on many different countries in history. arrrgh-- i'm horrible at history-- but it looks to be a decent class. the class makeup is the same as usual, mostly w/ seniors and a couple of juniors (and yep, i'm the only soph as usual). a couple of the gals in there just got back from the past semester spent in spain. the trip this june will cover a lot of the places we'll be learning about this semester (belgium, italy, rome, spain, ...).
4. then-- mwf @ 2-- work until 4.
5. tr @ 9:30-- 1st 7 week, biology of human diseases w/ lenzmeier. looks to be a great prof who teaches the class as it should be taught-- geared toward the non-science major. talk of diseases, infections, cancer... have to think of a good research paper topic. the 2nd 7 weeks will be human genetics w/ hampton-- don't look forward to having him at all, but... it'll be ok.
6. tr @ noon-- written comm II w/ drake. wow. quite the woman. like most written comm classes it looks as though the entire class will be hung over on most days and i will be the only one answering very simple questions aloud... the class is over argumentation. have to be convincing or something this semester, then. note to self: class is at noon, not at 1. there is a big difference.
7. m @ 5:45-- exceptional learner w/ currie. haven't met her yet-- b/c monday night hasnt gotten here yet. night class-- woohoo. heard i will like her a lot. i'm looking forward to this class.

so i'm pretty sure that's about it. the semester looks good... looks real good.

let it snow!

bv is now encompassed by a big sheet of white! yep-- it's snow! hoorah. talk about beautiful! "let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..."

all things through Christ

philippians 4:13 says, "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." are there any boundaries there, or is it truly "all things?" like these big dreams that my friends and i have of doing this or that-- could we possibly end up doing those things, no matter how big they may be? through Christ?

i write this, thinking about my friend who just arrived home from her third trip to nicaragua, one that brought her some new, crazy, unexpected opportunities and experiences. her heart is no longer here in the states-- it's there. just completely there. w/ the country and w/ the people w/ whom she's developed some really awesome relationships. she has gone from being sure about wanting to be an elementary teacher here in the states to, now, wanting to study spanish and perhaps live in nicaragua someday-- and w/ every trip it looks like that is becoming more a possibility for her. i am like the angel and the devil on her shoulder. see... there is a certain guy there. and i want to say "follow your heart" but at the same time i want to say "hoooold on here, amiga favorita." i want to question things... b/c i'm not sure that, in her state, she has questioned these things yet herself. (i could be very wrong, though... but... new love can often do things like that to people.) *sigh* many prayers will be said for this dear friend and these opportunities. i am so excited about this newfound love (the country, the language, the people, this specific person... etc). and i definitely cannot wait to experience all of this w/ her in july... finally!!! i cannot wait to see the place that truly finds her heart at home. what a feeling... to have a place where you always want to be... but for some reason just can't be (at least not at the moment). again... "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." is it so?

intellectual stimulation

hoorah for conversations that provide intellectual stimulation-- even those that occur at 11:30pm during rounds. political conversations nonetheless. conversations about our genius* president mr. george w. bush. no child left behind*. poverty. morals and values. clinton. kennedy. other countries. the death penalty. social workers. political figures sitting around the white house smoking crack. things of the sort. good times... truly.

also-- hoorah for the few hours spent w/ residents earlier this evening/tonight. snackin' it up, talking, sharing nyc pics and stories and such. more good times. yay for a new semester and a new attitude...

*denotes words spoken w/ an infinite amount of sarcasm

david crowder band--illuminate

as of right now, i'm the highest bidder for this cd on ebay. (the only bidder, too... but still the highest, right?) hoorah.

my class was at noon and not 1:00!?

(spoken at 12:45 today, in my dorm room, aloud to myself... but no worries, i made it in there and answered a few questions posed by the prof, as others sat there appearing braindead *hung over from last night much, huh, bv kids?* so things are all hunky dory. but... i coulda sworn my sched said 1 and not 12. sorta funny now that i think about it, but it def. wasnt at the time-- actually, i think i coulda peed my pants...)

classes today went well. though i only had two. lots of chill time, too-- so i got a lot done-- made new door decs for my residents-- did some reading that doesn't need to be done until tuesday-- listened more to itunes radio (this thing rocks). this evening i headed to town w/ jody. went to dollar general (yes, again) and then ate at subway. and what would you know. on the way back my car somehow ended up in the grand central coffee station parking lot, and we somehow ended up inside, and i somehow ended up drinking a chai latte (new addiction) and eating 1/2 a delicious cinnamon scone. oh, my... :) today was a good day. and it's not over yet. tonight: house party in the lounge (get to know everyone again, plus a new resident is in this house), then i'm on duty-- so rounds-- but besides that, perfect chance to get stuff done! ultra early! yahoo.

back to school, back to school

this wireless stuff sure is a far cry from the dialup stuff at home...

got here at noon yesterday and got settled in pretty easily (only a few million trips up and down the stairs!!!). how odd to be back here-- but how good at the same time. i like my dorm room. it's... comfy. like a little apartment. fun.

went to hyvee. here's what i got:
spinach
hummus
green peppers
tomatoes
mozzarella cheese
tortillas
salsa
milk
yogurt
cottage cheese
canned fruit
baby carrots
deli meats

do other college students buy this sort of stuff when they go grocery shopping? hummus? yes, hummus. don't ask what i'm going to do w/ it. i'm going to eat it, obviously. oh... and it sucks buying healthy foods. if i was a snack-eater, i'd probably spend a lot less on groceries... oh well. it's worth the extra cost! i have a happy fridge right now.

first class this morning: biology (human diseases). first of my two 7-week classes. ick. ah well. it'll be ok. then chapel... then lunch... then writtem comm II at 1. good day!

last night @ home

it has been quite the month and a half. funny to think of it, but i've spent more nights here in the past month and a half than i have in the past few summers-- so, in effect, this has been like a summer break for me. the internship went very smoothly. time w/ family was forever valuable (only wish i could've had more of it). time w/ amanda was wonderful. seeing kc was great. shopping-- well, let's just say i did waaaay too much of it, but i must admit, it was always a blast. fell in love w/ chai lattes. and the bloomsday bookstore. slept comfy in my bed each night. was very welcomed into second pres and even changed my mind a bit on my attitude toward the rich sort of folk. yes... a very positive month and a half, indeed.

i packed up my car, and everything fit perfectly. mom and dad had no idea how i'd get it all in there, but i kept telling them it'd be just fine. whew! glad i was right. just have to throw a few more things in there in the morning (like bob the bonsai, my teddy bear and some food-type stuff, and... well... myself). not quite ready to return. i sort of am and sort of am not. tonight at grandma's is when i started feeling crummy. i didnt want to say goodbye to her, and same w/ mom tonight. but... that'll always happen, i am sure. this semester will be an entirely new semester-- nothing like the last, i am sure-- and that's a positive thought in itself. i have to look at things like that-- that all will be well-- and it's a funny feeling (a good funny) b/c God truly is control of me. i'm not sure what i'm doing or where i'm going but He does. thank goodness He watches out for me!

last thought before i head back to bv: didn't hear from ethan even once while i was home. got emails from his mom and a nice card from his sis-in-law, but no word from him. not sure how he is doing or where in the world he even is (phoenix, i'd suspect?, kc? i'm not sure), but i continue to pray for him, his safety, his heart. the whole shebang. would have been thrilled to get a hello but i know that that may not happen for a very long time. as much as that thought saddens me-- it reminds me of last week when amanda and i were listening to jars of clay's "river constantine" on the nicaragua video. that song carried me through a LOT of the semester, since fall break when she and i stayed up until 3am talking. same thing this time-- it was about midnight or a little later-- i was sitting, listening, watching, and as much as my heart hurt (for a # of reasons) at the moment, there was a peace over me that could only come from God. i turned to amanda and said "you know, as horrible as this past semester was, and as confused or as sad as i have tended to be (etc), i still don't think i'd want anything to happen any differently than the way it has." and i meant it. i am learning... each and every day, i am learning. learning how to trust God and the plan that He has for me. learning how to just wait on Him and His timing instead of my own. i don't think i'd be learning these lessons as well if things would have happened differently this past semester. amanda understood what i meant, even w/o my saying much more than that. i probably had this awful look of pain on my face as though i were about to cry, but i think they would have been tears of inner peace (somehow-- it was there, thank God). it felt horrible and wonderful at the same time. i am really thankful for that evening/night spent w/ her. thank God for a true friend.

all for now. i head back tomorrow. thanks to all those who helped make my month and a half at home great (family, friends, subway, and church). and to those whom i haven't talked to, or seen... know you're in my thoughts and prayers, anyway. through Christ who strengthens me... good night!

hello amazon.com

hmmm... buying college textbooks... would i rather spend 500 in the college bookstore or 300ish on amazon.com? i'll opt for the latter, thanks. (darn teachers who think they need to require more than one expensive book for a single class, and darn biology profs who requires a 120 dollar book for a measly 7-week course... grrrr.)

great-granny's in arkansas! and other tales

so the other day my grandma-- who isn't even on the side of the family of which i'll be speaking of in just a short moment-- informed me that my great-grandma is now living in arkansas. whoooa.... wait a second... didn't she just live in platte city a few days ago!? yes. but she's not there anymore. and i didnt get to visit her before she left! argh! let's hope she lives at least another 10 years. i think she might. she's in really good health. :)

i just finished one of the greatest books, ever (though i say that about many, many books). being presbyterian in the bible belt. sounds sort of boring, doesnt it? it's not at all. check it out! you might smile and-- god forbid-- even laugh!!!

i had three crazy, crazy dreams last night. let's just say that i didnt mind getting up early despite the fact that i'm off today and technically didnt have to be up until-- say-- tomorrow morning at 8. again i ask, how in the world do these crazy dreams keep happening? they're all different but often have the same recurring themes and/or people. and then some are just crazy random. hmm.

hot topic at the church staff lunch table yesterday @ 2nd pres: american idol and mary roach. gotta love it. were you all blessed enough to see her remarkable performance? if not... well... consider yourself even more blessed!

on the list to do today:



isn't that great!? i can do whatever the heck i want. wheeeeeeeeee!
g'day, mateys! (grandma's about to venture off to australia-- that's where that comment came from!)

bonsai needs help

visited w/ mr. shields, sra. ogle, and mr. briley today at ohs. it was an awesome time. i love those teachers! they are three reasons why i'd like to be a teacher myself.

also spent some good time w/ amanda. she leaves for nicaragua on saturday-- i'm so excited for her! her recent spanish interest and class(es) will do her a LOT of good! *you go, girl!*

am wondering how to re-pot and fertilize my bonsai tree. any green thumbs out there? i need to get it done before i go back to school or i might have a very, very dead tree sometime soon. suggestions are welcomed!

angel of music

i fiiiiiiiinally saw the phantom of the opera at the theatre tonight. have been so very anxious about it recently. went all by myself (i'm such a big girl, woohoo) and stayed until the credits were completely finished. got a few tears in my eyes throughout the movie (especially at the end). wow... nothing does to me what the phantom of the opera does to me!

i guess i could sort of babble on about what's been going on w/ me lately. i've sure enjoyed a number of days off. got most of friday off (got to spend lots of time in my favorite bookstore, then time w/ mom, then ate at el maguey with the parentals that night), all of saturday off (went to comedy city w/ a couple of gals-- was a blast!!!), then sunday was the busy day. i was liturgist at the 10:15 service, plus i gave the children's sermon which (thank God!) turned out really well. ate at panera on the plaza after church, walked around the plaza (found the pair of yellow express pants i'd been anxious about for over a week-- they were marked down to $9.99; do you think i got them!?), then enjoyed a chai latte and, again, looking around the bookstore (bloomsday fascinates the heck out of me), then back to church to prepare for youth encounter and stage lights (youth groups). that all went over really well-- i was leading them since the director was on the ski trip. had a great time... got back home just past 9 and hit the pillows after that. monday (today) had the day off-- played some skip-bo w/ mom and sarah-- cleaned-- had some fun w/ grandma and finally decided that, gosh darnit, i was gonna get out and go see the darn movie. and so i did. and so... aren't you just thrilled that you know all about how my days have been (or at least what i've been doing)?

i suppose that writing about how my days are is sort of a dumb* thing to do. i mean-- it doesnt tell anything about who i am or what i really think or feel-- and to me, these are the more important things. hmm.

i had a conversation the other day w/ somebody, about teaching in kansas city. this chick was white. from the sound of it, teaching in the inner city is a bee-atch for whites, especially white chicks (and the fact that i'm blonde gives me a big ole' "NO WAY" sign for this thought-- i'd almost undoubtedly get no respect in the classroom). perhaps this "passion" (if you will) is nothing more than a dream-- but we shall see. i'd be perfectly content teaching anywhere... and who knows. maybe i'll end up teaching abroad somewhere. guess i'm young and a lot of opportunities will arise beyond kansas city (at least that's my hope). but i truly am interested in the more inner-city world (as far as teaching goes-- not necessarily living), or at least anything but suburbia.

anywhooooooo... am tired... think i might head to bed. sorry this was sort of blah. maybe something intelligent, inspiring, or eventful will show up on here someday (just not today).

* denotes lack of a better word to use

day off. hoooo-ahhhh!

finally a day off that hasn't had to be spent iced inside my house!!! yay!!!

the day has gone like this:
9:30am work out w/ paula at world gym (this was great-- i was on the treadmill for 35 mins!)
11am meet amanda, go to mary margaret's (where ALL clothes were 50% off of their already very, very low prices-- holy cow!!!), then to scrapbook fun-addicts for amanda's album project for marlon (she leaves for nicaragua in 9 days!).
1pm get home, clean a little, take a very nice nap, clean some more

plan to decoupage some more today. read some. (i'm reading being presbyterian in the bible belt-- and it's great!)

i cannot wait to finally live in one place for a long period of time so i can be a member of a gym. i love the feeling of gyms (especially world gym). when i'm a teacher, i'm definitely joining a gym. gyms, quaint bookstores, and coffee shops. oh yeah... and churches. and schools. gotta love all these places.

lots of sleep=sometimes a good thing, sometimes not

it's monday, which means i dont have to be in to work until 11:30-- how sweet is that? but then again, the entire weekend was full w/ work stuff, so it's fully deserved, in my opinion. i went to "take a nap" at 8:30, asking mom if she'd wake me up in a half hour. welp... next thing i knew, it was 6:30 am, and i was asleep under the covers, and i still had my contacts in (first experience sleeping in my contacts-- and it wasnt as bad as i thought it might be!). slept for another hour. then another. now here i am. sleep can be good. and i got lots of it. but... w/ that, i had some horribly crappy dreams. i'd call them nightmares but they weren't really nightmares. just bad dreams. have had a LOT of these recently. *argh*

yesterday was a really good day, w/ church going really well (listening to a very well-written sermon spoken by a man born in Ireland and brought up in Scotland just ain't half bad!!!-- and the people were sooooooo welcoming to me- haven't met an unawesome person yet!), time spent roaming around the plaza just to kill time, and the epiphany party over at the st. denis' house on roe in o.p.-- 31 people showed up-- the gift exchange was a lot of fun-- i ended up w/ a $5 gift certificate to panera. not too shabby.

guess the day is calling my name.

westport, God, and victoria's secret... oh my!

had a super-fun college student outing today w/ some folks from heartland and pnk presbyteries. not too many were there, but it didn't stop us from enjoying the time. had breakfast (pancakes w/ pumpkin spices-- mmm!), had a keynoter, discussion, left for crown center (but somehow marcella and i ended up walking around westport before that... hmmmm!, *smiles*-- and had a great time while we were at it; even made a homeless friend named paul and learned a little too much about his life-- guess you just had to've been there). westport is such an awesome, flavorful place. anywho. got to crown center, spent a ton of time in victoria's secret w/ the gals (hey, what can we say?, you can't pass up vicki's semi-annual sale!)-- we all ended up buying stuff there and flashing our super-special pink bags around. yay for vicki's pink bags! i fell in love w/ vicki's midnight breeze scent. it smelled so good i wanted to eat it... so i didnt buy any. probably for the better. anywhom. did some walking around. had ice-cream at a place that replaced maggie moo's and apparently has two flavors of alcoholic ice-cream (what in the world!?). went back to the church, walked the labyrinth and had sort of a meditative time (we all ended up falling asleep!, to taize music-- it was ever so relaxing!)... had dinner... sang and prayed... then left! good times for all.

now: burning cd's.
later: do some reading.
after that: sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

urban ministries

had such an awesome time last night at wayne minor (not-so-good pt. of kc... but i don't mind... *smiles*), w/ freedom fire urban ministries. helped w/ the middle school youth of second pres, and played around w/ about 30 or more kids from the area. shot some hoops, did some face-painting, had an adorable little hispanic girl sit on my lap while coach bruce gave a devotional to everyone... paula put in a word for me to one of the workers there-- didnt even know she was doing it-- but turns out that they'd welcome me as an intern sometime. wouldnt that be awesome... tonight only re-affirmed my desire to work (not necessarily LIVE, but at least work-- as in teach, probably...) in an urban area...

snow day

wheeeee!, snow day!

ok, so it's been more like an ice day.

watched napoleon dynamite w/ mom today. great movie (hack, hack, gag). actually... it's worth seeing. especially the last part (check out the dance scene, right after pedro's presidential speech). yeeeeah. bet you wish you had moves like napoleon's.

also watched just married and stuck on you. (hey, when you've got all day to kill, movies happen.) and ate a ginormous amount of puppy chow. *gulp*

also cleaned my closet (yes, i realize i'm always doing this, as there always happens to be more to clean.)

think tomorrow will be another day off!

bridesmaid

so... my cousin asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding on october 22. how awesome is that!?

and... i'll be studying abroad from the end of august until mid-december. how NOT awesome is that!?

talk about upsetting. not only missing the wedding of a cousin whom i'm pretty close to, but not being able to be her bridesmaid (especially when she was really, really hoping i could be one!). she has the dress picked out and everything. if only i could clone myself so i could be in two places at once!

find what makes you happy and go there

today:
left church early
went to hobby lobby and the scrapbooking store to pick up some craft stuff (hey-- if i'm iced inside this week, i want to have crafty stuff to work w/!)
visited grandma
talked w/ mom (had a good cry and talk...)
bought/rented a few movies
watched mona lisa smile w/ mom. incredible movie.
now: about to read some more........ happy night, and safe travels to anyone on the road.

more book stuff

ok, more about book stuff.

what i've read so far this month (the longer books, more worthy of mention):
i'd rather teach peace
the five people you meet in heaven

what i'm about to read:
the godbearing life

what i plan to read:
savage inequalities

still need one more book. think i might make it:
the essential 11
OR
why don't you listen to me? (i think that's what it called-- insert question mark here)
OR
perhaps both of them.

this sure is nice............. having time to read :)

internship

so... i'm doing an internship at a church in kc this month (hoorah for january interim opps). today was day 1 and 1/2. what i did: started w/ lunch (mondays start later b/c sundays are ultra busy). i love going "behind the scenes" w/ people like teachers (say, in teacher's lounges) and, in this case, church staff and clergy. there was a funeral, and right afterward, the senior pastor walked into where we were eating. "how was the funeral?," someone asked him. "dead-on," he replied, w/ a grin. the associate pastor, who'd carried the casket, stated that the casket was very heavy-- b/c of all the "dead weight." gotta respect pastors like this...

ok. so there was lunch. then, pondering some changes for the sunday school rooms. then, planning for youth sunday (the music), then, i started planning for the youth groups i'll be leading on my own when the youth director's on the ski trip (which i'm soooo sad i can't go on!!!... wasn't invited, lol). then, went to a couple of christian bookstores in the olathe/overland park area. had great conversations to/from. got back, had subway, did some reading, took a little nap while waiting for the christian ed meeting to start at 6:30, went to the meeting (loved it, btw-- everyone i've met so far is soooooooooooo awesome and so very welcoming), then headed home.

btw. brrrr. it's gotten cold outside. perhaps it really IS wintertime!?

the five people you meet in heaven

just finished (official) book #2. the five people you meet in heaven, by mitch albom.

favorite quote #1:
(p. 173) "lost love is still love, eddie. it takes a different form, that's all. you can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle they hair or move them around a dance floor. but when those senses weaken, another heightens. memory. memory becomes your partner. you nurture it. you hold it. you dance with it. life has to end... love doesn't."

favorite quote #2:
(p. 196) "the secret of heaven: that each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."

great book-- not as great as tuesdays with morrie-- but i'd suggest reading it.

flibberdijibbit

new year's morning, when i woke up:
(to mom, waking her up) "goodness! it's 2005 now! that means i'll be 20 this year! 20! boy, do i feel old! so if i feel old at almost 20, i can't even imagine how you must feel!"
(mom, now awake) "thanks, honey."

spent some more good times w/ amanda. went running-- wore a t-shirt outside on jan. 1st, how very wrong is that!? yet somehow today mother nature has started doing some mean things outside... also went to indep center. tried on the most horrendous red dress (just for the heck of it)-- it had these ruffly things on it-- uggh!!!, but... lots of laughs. so can't complain about that. ended up buying a black 3/4-sleeved sweater. on sale. there's something about a black sweater on sale that this gal just can't pass up. argh. shopping. clearance. somebody stop me. :-S oh... afterwards, had some maggie moo's. mmmmm mmmm good! amanda got chocolate custard at custard's last stand. i had a bite and thought it was disgusting. somehow i ended up taking her (almost) empty cup into the house we were at and somehow the cup got inverted and somehow, chocolate got all over my jeans and the (white) carpet. and somehow i didnt realize this happened until a few feet into the house.

(to amanda) "you know, if the owners of this house have never considered putting a couch in that hallway, i think now would be a good time to consider it." (keeping in mind that it's barely a hallway, and the only way to get from the house to the garage.)

this morning at church, joe said "tsunUmi" instead of "tsunAmi." struck me as sort of humorous.

started the internship tonight. had a blast. i think i'm really going to enjoy this (and i hope to be challenged).

time for nighty-night! (or, time for reading, and then nighty night. i'm coming along pretty well w/ this goal of reading 5 books before i head back to school!)