who knows?

i'm so absolutely horrible at staying on top of this blogging thing. it's impressive if i make it on here once a month. how many times do you have to do something before it becomes a habit, though? give me time.

the title of this blog is "who knows?" for a reason. and the reason, you ask? well, who knows? my life is a big blob of insanity right now. being behind in schoolwork, having my best friend/boyfriend suddenly change and then an unfortunate breakup as a result and lots of unanswered questions and wondering, hurt, pain as a result of that... let's see, what else... did i mention being behind in schoolwork!? yep. well... depression... missing home all the time... wondering where the heck God is taking me in my life, what my future will hold...

right now all i can say is that i'm uber-thankful for the amazing, caring, absolutely fantastic professors that i have here at bv. makes me think i'm here for a reason, b/c they really look out for me. so thanks, to carolyn ashbaugh and bev edmondson- they are real life-savers.

i've had a million different feelings and thoughts about where my heart is- what my passions really are- and as a result, where those passions will take me in the future. have to question what bv has turned me into. i often think, gosh i'd really like to be in a more conservative, christian place so i could "focus on god" but my mom pointed out to me this question- would i rather be in a place where i'm told what i should think, or be in a place where i'm allowed to think for myself? and it's so true- bv truly allows me to think for myself... i'm thankful for that. a lot of growth happens here for people who allow it to. i know that's the case for me. goodness, little did i know how much things would change just within two years (or so) of college. i'm confronted w/ what seems like a million issues each week here at bv- hunger/homelessness, political issues, homosexuality, feminism, equality, respect, civil rights, women's rights (sorry for the repetition here), poverty, cultural differences and awareness. this isnt even the half of it. i'm guided in this way or that way but i'm never told what to think. it's completely up to myself... and this in itself has been a journey, and i know it will continue to be one until i graduate (and probably far beyond that). i just pray that God truly be at work in me... at all times... when faced w/ such issues. a really big thing for me has been to love everyone regardless of differences- not judging people- but this has seemed to separate me from a number of my more "christian" friends. i dont understand this. separation, only b/c i'm doing what God would have me do?- love people?- again... who knows?

so now that i've gone on and on about that.

i've got an entire weekend ahead of me and i look foward to it greatly. granted, it'll be nothing but homework time and catching-up time, but at least it wont be interrupted by classes and daily deadlines (just long-term ones... which really are close, too close, rather than long-term now).

so... this is an intro to my life. exciting, i'm sure you're thinking. yes. life... it's all about the journey. but during the journey... who knows? we just have to hang on for the ride. God will make things happen... God will see us through. there's my little bit of daily inspiration for you. cherish it, friends.